With the razors that I found from years past
When 2 were too dull to break the vessels, I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough
And just pushed and pushed
Then later with the third with just as much force
So much force was not needed
Even though I have not partaken in many years, I made no promises
I would never hold a promise not to hurt myself to someone else
I don’t need to stop hurting myself
I need to stop feeling so horrid that I would resort to this

When the clock turned to twelve on a new year I was cleaning last years wounds

There are plenty of less noticeable ways to do it

But this time, I think I’ll keep it all to myself

No one to tell me what I’m doing is wrong or trying to guilt me

No one to judge me and pity me

This physical sensation is what keeps me together and sane

If I’m ever going to stop it’s going to be because I don’t need it anymore

I am not going to stop for anyone but myself

I will never let myself be ashamed of my scars.

1. I was scared of cutting a major vein.
2. my arm hair makes the scars practically invisible.

Now, if you look really close, you can see a lot of shiny lines under my arm hair.

I honestly just want someone to tell. if I ever end up hurting myself again I don’t want to have to keep it to myself. I want someone to know how bad I’m hurting, I want someone to be there for me. I don’t want them to tell me that I did something bad and make me feel worse; I want them to understand this as an expression of desperation and pain and help me…