With the razors that I found from years past
When 2 were too dull to break the vessels, I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough
And just pushed and pushed
Then later with the third with just as much force
So much force was not needed
Even though I have not partaken in many years, I made no promises
I would never hold a promise not to hurt myself to someone else
I don’t need to stop hurting myself
I need to stop feeling so horrid that I would resort to this

I think I might be starting to get clinically depressed…
If I’m lucky, I SEE a friend once a month, not even hang out, just see them
I’ve just been working so much and when I’m not working I’m just so…so tired…I want to see my friends on my one real day off but I’m always just so tired and they’re always busy…
For a few months I’ve been trying to get a dog, but I barely care anymore…I barely care about anything, I’m just so tired
I’ve even gotten some really bad urges to hurt myself again, although (maybe) luckily I’ve always been in a situation where I couldn’t do anything more than claw my arms a little…
None of my friends care about seeing me anymore…they probably think I don’t care either…
Maybe I could work less, but I need to money, and I only get minimum wage…
Ha, I’m only 19 years old and my work is already taking over my life…

But I constantly find myself with crossed arms, gripping myself with my nails so that I feel it sting

And it’s so comforting…

But this time, I think I’ll keep it all to myself

No one to tell me what I’m doing is wrong or trying to guilt me

No one to judge me and pity me

This physical sensation is what keeps me together and sane

If I’m ever going to stop it’s going to be because I don’t need it anymore

I am not going to stop for anyone but myself

I will never let myself be ashamed of my scars.